Am I Enlightened yet or what?
When I was attending University (we call it “going to college” in the states), I studied Philosophy because it was the only thing I found interesting at the time. Everything else took a backseat. How could I study engineering, business, economics, or even anthropology without a basic philosophical and spiritual framework in which to place all that? I lacked one, and desperately was searching for an identity. I enjoyed the rigors of logic, and discovering the power to think independently and reasonably was groundbreaking for me. I rethought everything!
As formative as that was, I wanted more. I took an Indian Philosophy class, and it, along with a wonderful Buddhist book my Grandmother gifted me, I began finding experiential understanding and it was feeding my hunger. Whereas Western Analytic Philosophy seemed like a map of the world, the Eastern Philosophies were more similar to how-to guides on how to be and how to find truth directly.
After graduation from University, I imagined I would leave and go to India and/or Tibet or some other place that offered a tradition of looking directly into the true nature of reality. I wanted enlightenment. But I didn’t know how to find it, here or anywhere else. I thought seriously about Peace Corps as a stepping stone that balanced my idealistic goals with a practical way to gain experience and help others.
Well, the idea of flying around the world and staying for 2 years scared my mother, even more than it scared me. So, being a good boy, I stayed put. Instead I opted for Americorps, which was a stateside Junior Varsity version of Peace Corps. That would be my stepping stone to a new world, one where I might travel the globe, exploring the inner and outer worlds of reality.
Well it was a stepping stone to travel, but it was a 10 year circuitous route to world travel. In the mean time, I did a variety of things. I built trails in National and State Parks in the US, mostly Texas. Then I considered Law School very seriously before backing out last minute. Luckily I did well enough on the entrance exams to get a job teaching and tutoring the exams (The LSATs – Law School Admissions Test), and that allowed me a nice lifestyle with a part time job and free time to pursue my interests: I swear I did more than play Xbox – occasionally I read, and I made plenty of time to fully embrace my existential crises.
After exploring different avenues of additional study I somehow decided to go to Seminary for three years. It surprised me, and half the time I thought I was nuts for going. I’m still not sure how I convinced myself to go, as I was quite a non-religious person.
But it ended up being one of greatest decision I’d made. I was able to study what I wanted, the meat of the human experience. „What is it to be? What is it to be alive?” And the answers I found were humane, and maintained profundity and mystery. And best of all I met my best friends, and they are still my best friends to this day. It wasn’t all wonderful. I had to pay for this education without a church or denomination paying my way. So when I graduated, along with my diploma I was given my bill. Over $60,000! Well if I hadn’t found a life’s purpose yet, I sure had one now. My plans were out the window, time to pay this, then I can get on with my life!
And so I did, after a month of depressing unemployment, I, with almost no experience in technology or computers up to that point, miraculously found a job with a software company, as a software consultant. Basically, I traveled every week to different car dealerships, set up their software and trained all the employees on how to use it. I would stay from a few days to almost two months at each dealership. I had a “real job.” Because I was traveling 90% of the time, and the company covers all living expenses while traveling, I was able to pay my debt off entirely in two years and worked an additional year to save money. So in July of 2016, 3 years to the day I started my job, I left my job – I actually gave them 8 months notice because I always knew the job was simply a means to an end…and I started traveling.
For the first 6 months I traveled in the US, visiting friends I’d neglected and places I’d never seen or wanted to see again. And because I had traveled for work so extensively for 3 years, I had racked up many airline miles and hotel points. Perfect! So, in January I flew to Chile with my friend from Seminary. As a pastor he was visiting churches there and finagled a way for me to join him – what a guy! We then flew to Honduras (the murder capital of the world… eek!) together. The trip was one of the best 20 days of my life! Best of all, I didn’t get murdered!
Instead of flying back to the States when my friend left to go back to work, I flew over to Nicaragua and lived in a permaculture community where my cousin was at the time. She loved this place so I had to come see it. I stayed for two weeks. And those two weeks were also great! We meditated and did yoga daily, ate vegetarian food from the garden and the neighbors garden, and I discovered holotropic breath work! Google it, it blew my mind and soul wide open. I’ve never laughed or cried so authentically in my life. It is also the reason I am writing this in Poland. I signed up for a breath work training in Krakow, and I will be there in a week. I decided to come early and teach English at Sophies International House before my training.
After the permaculture community I traveled with two Swedes and temporarily one Australian, all of whom who I had met at the community. They and one of their friends we met along the way were my travel sisters for more than a month in Central America, mostly Costa Rica.
Eventually I flew back to Houston to see my family, and I spent a couple of weeks in nearby Austin, visiting friends. Then I spent an incredible 10 days at a meditation retreat. No phones, no books, no writing, no nothing. Just sit, and observe. Eat two meals a day and tea at night. 4am to 9:30pm. It sounds ridiculous even now, a month later, but it was the most life changing thing I’ve done. It’s hard to believe after writing about so many experiences in this blog post. But it’s true.
And then I flew to Warsaw, and here I am. My first time off the American continent. And it has been eye opening. Speaking with people in English is such a treat here. I learn something new about myself and the world in every conversation. Am I enlightened now? Well, I don’t know, but the world feels fuller and I feel lighter. So I am not complaining. I am so grateful for Katarzyna and Marco for allowing me to continue my journey here.
And now we’ve reached the present, which is the best place to stop for now. And thanks for reading this. If you’ve made it this far, you are quite a sympathetic reader!
Peace and courage to you in your own journey!
